Remember… you’re an exterminator and he’s trying to steal your customers. (Re-read the last paragraph of my last post to get up to speed.)

So Irv’s a tough competitor. But too bad for him, you’re pretty sharp yourself.

And you discovered a chink in his armor that you’re thrilled to exploit. You wouldn’t have even mentioned it if he wasn’t attacking you, but now that he is, look out, Irv. Your fangs are bared for battle.

You see, ol’ Irving, being an old-timer, hasn’t kept up on the latest pesticide sprays. He never got into that being green thing, and as a result, he’s using chemicals that could be dangerous for kids, pets, and adults. Irv is also somewhat careless about his work.

What’s more, he doesn’t use shoe covers when he enters your home, and since he sprays the exterior of the house first, he may be getting chemical on his shoes, which he then unknowingly tracks across your floors and carpets as he tramples through your house.

Oh, you have a baby crawling across those floors and carpets? You say your baby picks things up off the floors and sticks them into her mouth?

How about the vapors from the toxic chemicals Irv sprays inside your home?

How long do Irv’s toxic fumes linger? Are you breathing them all night long? Could they have an effect on you and your developing baby’s healthy cells?

Could Irv’s poisons be carcinogenic? Does he cover food-prep areas with fresh, clean tarps before spraying in your kitchen?

Poor Irv: so much to think about. “Overspray? What’s overspray? Nah, it never happens. I’m really careful when I spray. Hey, the whole idea is to kill the bugs, right? So what are you complaining about? It’s silly to think about your children eating pesticides,” Irv hacks out between his seemingly ever-present phlegmy cigarette coughs.

The bottom line is that Irv may know his bugs, but he apparently doesn’t give a hoot about your family’s safety. He’d apparently rather use cheap, old-fashioned, possibly life-threatening chemicals, save a buck, and move on to the next nauseatingly infested house.

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Do you see what I’m doing here? You can do the same.

Stay tuned, my friend, for the last step in the inoculation process.

Success! <HANDSHAKE>

Drew