Scary DUMB: Can You Write a Better Headline for This Ad?

The photo is yummy. The headline stinks.

Hey Gang,

Talk about a missed opportunity.

Just look at this ad and how quickly does a better headline come to mind?

For me, it took all of 3 seconds.

(Click the photo a couple of times to read the body copy.)

It’s almost easy enough for a pre-schooler. Yet the copywriter, copy chief, marketing director, and everyone else involved either didn’t know any better… or simply kept their mouth shut. (Which is another way of saying they didn’t know any better.)

This is one of the best examples of advertising know-how ignorance. Not that these examples are so tough to find. But this one is simply so glaring.

Enough yakking. Tell me what they SHOULD have written for the headline. Don’t worry about submitting a polished, finished headline. Just tell me what you think the head SHOULD say. Take all of 60 seconds to do it.

My guess is that the readers of this blog know better than the people on the company payroll(s) responsible for this deliciously bad disaster.

Have at it…

Drew Eric Whitman
Direct Response Surgeon(tm)

P.S. Don’t forget to click twice on the ad to enlarge it enough to read the body text. 😉

3 thoughts on “Scary DUMB: Can You Write a Better Headline for This Ad?

  1. How about:

    Gorgeous Chocolate, 45% Less Fat

    I’m feeling hungry just thinking about the alternative headline – I hadn’t planned that, and I guess, that’s your point: create desire, with an added benefit, and memory combined with a great visual prompt is often all we need.

    Great pick.

    Thank you for your teachings.


    • Drew Eric Whitman said:

      Brian… nicely done. You summed it up quickly. Your first 2 words — which probably took you just minutes to come up with — are far superior to what this company likely spent weeks developing (and holding meetings about). With “Gorgeous” comes emotion… with “Chocolate” comes instant attraction for the target audience… and your “45% less fat” hits the nail right on the head with its implied benefits. (Now consider how much the group involved with creating that ad were paid during the time they slapped that together. You gotta shake your head.) Bravo, Brian. Thank you for your support, my friend!


  2. Rose Nelson said:

    More good with less fat

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